Why the right fit matters when looking for a counsellor

Choosing a counsellor is a very personal decision. You might spend time looking through websites, reading profiles and comparing qualifications, experience and therapeutic approaches. But there's something else that I think deserves just as much consideration, and that's how comfortable you feel with the person you're thinking about opening up to.

Counselling can involve talking about deeply personal experiences, difficult emotions or things you've perhaps never shared with anyone before. The relationship you develop with your counsellor is therefore an important part of the process.

You don't have to feel completely comfortable from the very first conversation. Trust often takes time to develop, particularly when sharing personal experiences feels unfamiliar or difficult.

Feeling Comfortable Enough to Be Yourself

One of the things I value in counselling is creating an environment where people feel able to express themselves without worrying about being judged.

You might arrive feeling nervous, unsure where to begin or wondering whether what you're experiencing is even something you should be seeking counselling for.

Perhaps you're worried about becoming emotional, saying the wrong thing or not being able to explain yourself clearly.

These are all things you can talk about with your counsellor.

There's no expectation that you should share everything immediately or arrive with a clear understanding of what you want to explore. You can take your time, and part of building a trusting relationship involves feeling increasingly comfortable expressing yourself honestly.

Understanding Different Counselling Approaches

Not all counsellors work in the same way, and understanding a little about their approach can help you decide what might suit you.

Some counsellors offer a more structured approach, perhaps focusing on particular difficulties and introducing exercises or strategies to work on between sessions. Others provide a more open space where you can explore your experiences at your own pace.

There are also differences in personality, communication style and how individual counsellors approach the therapeutic relationship.

My own approach is person-centred and integrative.

At the heart of my work is the belief that you are the expert on your own life. I'm not there to tell you what decisions to make or assume I know what's best for you. My role is to work alongside you, seeking to understand your experiences and supporting you in exploring what feels important.

Working integratively means I can also draw on other therapeutic ideas and approaches where they feel appropriate and helpful.

There isn't one approach that suits everyone, which is why it can be useful to explore how a counsellor works before deciding whether to begin.

What If a Counsellor Doesn't Feel Right for You?

I think it's important for people to know that a counsellor can be experienced, appropriately qualified and professional, but still not feel like the right person for them.

And that's okay.

We're all different, and the way we connect and communicate with others varies. You might prefer someone who works in a more structured way, someone with a particular area of experience or simply someone whose communication style feels more comfortable.

It doesn't mean either person has done anything wrong.

If you've started counselling and something about the relationship doesn't feel right, you can talk to your counsellor about it. Sometimes discussing those feelings can be helpful, particularly if there's been a misunderstanding or something about the way you're working together that could be adjusted.

But you're also free to decide that you'd prefer to work with someone else.

Counselling is a personal choice, and it's important that you feel involved in decisions about your own support.

What Should You Look for When Choosing a Counsellor?

Qualifications, appropriate training, professional registration or membership, and experience are all important things to consider.

But it's also worth thinking about what you personally need from the relationship.

When you speak to a potential counsellor, consider how you feel during that conversation.

Do you feel listened to and respected? Are you comfortable asking questions? Does the counsellor explain their approach clearly and give you the opportunity to discuss what you're looking for?

You may also want to ask about confidentiality, session fees, cancellation policies, accessibility or whether they have experience working with particular difficulties.

A counsellor should be open about their qualifications, how they work and any limitations to the support they can offer.

You don't need to have a long list of questions prepared, but you should feel able to ask about anything that matters to you.

Building Trust Takes Time

Even when you've found a counsellor who feels like a good fit, the experience of counselling may still feel uncomfortable at times.

Opening up about difficult experiences can bring up emotions that we may have spent a long time avoiding or struggling to understand.

You might find some sessions easier than others. There may be times when you leave feeling relieved, thoughtful, emotional or uncertain about what you've discussed.

That's part of why having a relationship where you feel able to talk openly about your experience of counselling matters.

If something doesn't feel helpful, you should be able to discuss it. Equally, if you need to slow things down or spend more time exploring something, that's worth sharing too.

The counselling relationship is something we develop together, and your feedback is an important part of that.

Why I Offer a Free Initial Consultation

I recognise that finding a counsellor can feel like a big step, especially when you're not sure what to expect.

That's why I offer a free 30-minute initial consultation before beginning counselling.

It's an opportunity for us to have a conversation, for you to ask questions and find out a little more about how I work. You can tell me what you're hoping to gain from counselling, although there's no expectation that you need to share anything you're not comf